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He’s the son of a concubine-mongering dictator, the half-brother of a Disney-obsessed escapist and the new enfant terrible of Asia; yet could it be Kim Jong-un is misunderstood? We can easily imagine him as a boy playing war in the bathtub, bombing his rubber ducky into submission with soap bar missiles and dreaming of the day when the entire Sea of Japan would be his own private splashing ground; but could this all be a savage misconception? Here are 5 things that may or may not be true about Kim Jong-un.

1.) That he feeds his out of favor relatives to packs of wild dogs

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This rumor has roundly been debunked and is believed to have been started by a Chinese paper as a joke after Jong-un put his uncle on trial for treason and supposedly had him and his entire immediate family executed. I think the Great Successor is pranking us here. According to a reliable source (Dennis Rodman), Jong-un’s uncle is alive and well and still attends private state functions. Or was that one of the other relatives he saw? Hard to say.

2.) That the Dear Leader has “pleasure squads” comprised of under-age girls brought in from around the country to service him and his top officials.

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This turns out to be a family tradition going back to his grandfather, Kim Il-sung, who used this practice to demonstrate his political and sexual power. After a few years some of the girls are sent back home with cash and consolation prizes while others remain and get promoted to full-time concubines. So there’s no glass ceiling in the Kim’s Hermit Kingdom!

3.) That Jong-un is descended from mythical men who were born of volcanos

Yes and I’m Mothra’s uncle! Jong-un’s grandfather descended from a long line of Protestant missionaries, not Tangun, the mythical founder of Korea, and his father, Kim Jong-Il, was born in the U.S.S.R. not on Mount Paektu where legend has it, Tangun’s father descended from heaven. The propaganda machine of the Dear Leader has however bestowed upon him an over-arching and supernatural military genius to make up for his mythical shortcomings.

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4.) That he leads a clean and sober lifestyle.

Anything but. The Sun of the 21 Century is reportedly a chain smoker and hard drinker who has hosted drunken parties for visiting dignitaries and basketball players. At one post-game party according to a reliable source (Dennis Rodman), Kim yelled to one of the American officials ordering him to drink all of his scotch. “Bottoms up!” he told him in Korean. No one else in the room had any memory of the evening after that.

5.) That Jong-un executed one of his former girlfriends for distributing pornography

This story came from a South Korean paper and went viral until the executed woman, Hyon Song-wol, delivered a public speech. The supposed sex tape that she was charged with making never surfaced, much to the chagrin of porn-loving North Korean officials who are still searching for the evidence.

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So it seems the line between fact and fiction has blurred when it comes to Kim Jong-un and that could be exactly the way he wants it. When you’re the smallest guy on the playground one way to keep the big guys at bay is to have a crazy reputation.

Welcome to the world of Kim Jong-un!

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